inothernews

Before we start the broadcast tonight, I just want to address my recent absence from the national conversation. As the hub around which the republic turns, I can understand why the machinery of this great nation ground to a halt last week when you were denied (motions to face) this. Now I know you felt the same way I do when I’m in a room with no mirrors.

And folks, there were some wild rumors about why I was gone. These are actual rumors from the actual Internets: some people said my show was cancelled by the Federal Communications Commission at the request of the Federal Election Commission because I was about to announce my presidential candidacy — not gonna happen; others said I was cancelled because I offended the Catholic Church when I compared to the Pope’s hat to a giant, yet stylish, prophylactic; still others said I was in rehab — always an attractive option if they have that for Diet Coke.

And one person — or whatever part of that original person has not been dermabrased off of Joan Rivers’s skull — accused me of taking time off to have plastic surgery. (Plays video of Joan Rivers saying ‘He had a nose job.’) Wrong, Joan — I did not have my eyes done. That is ridiculous. I had my ass done. The doctors cranked this thing so high and tight I can barely blink now. Anyway, rumors quelled: moving on.

Oh, one more thing: evidently, having 11 children makes you tough as nails.

STEPHEN COLBERT, opening the Feb. 20, 2012 edition of The Colbert Report, after returning from a two-day hiatus during which he tended to his ill mother.

He ended the monologue by saying “Confidential to a lovely lady,” before making an apparent gesture of support to his mom.

(via inothernews)

kileyrae
thedailywhat:

Colbert Report Cancellation of the Day: The Colbert Report has abruptly halted production of new episodes and will air reruns for the rest of the week — but no one seems to know why.
A Comedy Central spokesman, Steve Albani, sent the press a terse e-mail saying the yesterday’s taping was canceled “due to unforeseen circumstances,” but refused to provide any additional details.
According to the New York Times, audience members were notified of the cancellation prior to the show, and last night’s guest, author Susan Cain, tweeted that her appearance will be rescheduled.
Third Beat Magazine, which was among the first to break the news, noted that while The Colbert Report has never missed a scheduled taping, its older brother, The Daily Show, has been forced to call off the show twice in the past: Once for the birth of Jon Stewart’s second child, and once due to the passing of a staff member. 
The Hollywood Reporter says it has been told by sources that production should be back to normal soon.
[thirdbeat.]

more info on the Colbert Report

thedailywhat:

Colbert Report Cancellation of the Day: The Colbert Report has abruptly halted production of new episodes and will air reruns for the rest of the week — but no one seems to know why.

A Comedy Central spokesman, Steve Albani, sent the press a terse e-mail saying the yesterday’s taping was canceled “due to unforeseen circumstances,” but refused to provide any additional details.

According to the New York Times, audience members were notified of the cancellation prior to the show, and last night’s guest, author Susan Cain, tweeted that her appearance will be rescheduled.

Third Beat Magazine, which was among the first to break the news, noted that while The Colbert Report has never missed a scheduled taping, its older brother, The Daily Show, has been forced to call off the show twice in the past: Once for the birth of Jon Stewart’s second child, and once due to the passing of a staff member. 

The Hollywood Reporter says it has been told by sources that production should be back to normal soon.

[thirdbeat.]

more info on the Colbert Report

seriouslyamerica

tinfoilandtea:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

The Definitely Not Coordinated With Stephen Colbert Super PAC Releases First Ad, Begins To Regret Length Of Name

AMERICA – The Definitely Not Coordinated With Stephen Colbert Super PAC released its first TV ad today, in advance of South Carolina’s upcoming unnamed GOP Primary. The ad, which takes an objective look at Mitt Romney’s private sector experience, is entitled “Attack In B Minor For Strings.”

“Mitt Romney claims to be pro-corporations,” said Jon Stewart, President of The Definitely Not Coordinated With Stephen Colbert Super PAC. “But would you let him date your daughter’s corporation? Americans have been clamoring for a comprehensive study of this crucial issue, so we splurged for the full sixty-second commercial. We think South Carolinians will agree – they deserve a leader who shares their state’s values, and perhaps even their state’s initials.”

The new spot begins airing today in a major ad buy that will blanket South Carolina from Charleston all the way to North Charleston. Those of you with some free AOL hours left can view the ad here.

The Definitely Not Coordinated With Stephen Colbert Super PAC, officially known as Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, is an independent, expenditure-only committee that’s been proudly serving the community since late Thursday.

politicalprof

In Fact, No One Listens to What People Say

politicalprof:

So as I engage in my morning ritual of reading lots of newspapers, both in real paper form and online, I have been fascinated by all the buzz Stephen Colbert has generated about his supposed run for President. I watched Colbert and Stewart riff on Colbert’s SuperPAC last night, and thought they satirized the win-wink nudge-nudge reality of non-coordinating coordination between SuperPACs and candidates quite brilliantly. Then, of course, Colbert announced the formation of his exploratory committee … and the crowd went wild.

Except, of course, Stephen Colbert DID NOT announce the formation of an exploratory committee to run for President of the United States. He announced the formation of an exploratory committee to investigate running for the President of the United States OF SOUTH CAROLINA.

Pop quiz: DOES SOUTH CAROLINA HAVE A PRESIDENT? If you don’t know the answer, please stop reading this blog post now. You’re too dim to understand my point.

For the rest of you: the moral of the story is PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT PEOPLE SAY, NOT WHAT YOU THINK THEY SAY. Colbert is a brilliant satirist, and a brilliant attention-getter. He will run a beautiful mock campaign for President of the United States … of South Carolina. It will slice the rituals and absurdities of the real campaign to pieces and we will laugh along with him.

But he’s not running for President. And he told you so. Pay attention.